“Did you encounter a man in the Women’s department who looked suspicious?” An attractive blonde woman, about early thirties and who rang up my items at the cash register asked me.
I was there for yarn. For colorful, soft yarn and possibly chocolate, because of being emotional. I had no idea about a suspicious man in the Women’s department though I’d also added to the items a couple pair of sweatpants to accommodate the chocolate coma I expected to ensue later that evening.
“I uhm…suspicious man?”
The kind lady continued to talk to me in a low whisper.
“Yes. Apparently a strange man was going around the Women’s department saying he was doing research for a communications project, but he was looking for women’s animal print panties in the Women’s department!” She shook her head as if the man had committed a carnal sin for wanting animal print women’s panties.
I had an image of Duce Bigelow, male Gigilo in my head and tried not to snort as strip music thumped in the brain. The cashier’s deadpan expression only made me want to laugh harder…but I held it in. Probably like the guy “researching” was doing now, depending on his Monday panties or Friday panties. Everyone knows the weekend was made for thongs. But I digress…
“Ohhh nooo…” I really tried to sound disturbed. Not too hard to do, these days!
She nodded. “Yep. So if you’ve seen a guy wandering around, the manager has warned him off. Hopefully, it’s no big deal.”
She sounded doubtful. I was on the verge of coughing so I wouldn’t laugh and discount her claim of the wild panty thief under the guise of a mere communications research project.
What is love…baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Whoooaaa oh oh whoahhhoaaa…
I squeezed my eyelids to tune “The Night at The Roxbury” by Haddaway music out of my head and focused on the cashier.
“But I didn’t see…”
“$39.95, please!” She stated my total.
When had I spent that much? YARN and CHOCOLATE. What the hell.
WHAT THE HELL.
[Photo credit Ann Burton]
I dutifully paid up and gave her a smile.
“Oh, I’m sure it will be okay. Though, I’m sure there were better ways for him to go about researching for…whatever,” I said.
The cashier widened her eyes and nodded. “I know! The Women’s department! How weird.”
“There are weird people everywhere. Seriously.” I smiled again.
“That’s the truth.” The friendly cashier shook her head but smiled back.
©LaurieKozlowski 2015, All Rights Reserved. No reproduction permitted unless given by the author.
Filed under: Humor, Inspiration, Music, Musings, Relationships, Uncategorized, Writing, Writing Life Tagged: amreading, animals, books, communications, cops, funny people, humor, panties, retail, shopping, weaving, weird people, yarn
